A group of folks took the Law of Attraction, a book by Abraham-Hicks and turned it into a great self-help documentary called the Secret. This movie is about as hot as it gets, filled with slick marketing strategies that are a cross between Tony Robbins and the DaVinci Codes. The movie has had multiple exposures on the Oprah Show which has also helped. So, what is it all about? Well in very simplistic terms (lots more to the 3 step process), what you send out in your thoughts and feelings (Ask, Believe) comes back to your life (Receive). If you are getting lots of negative stuff, then examine how you are framing your thoughts. How you are projecting your feelings, attitudes and what you feel you deserve to get. We used to say many years ago, what goes around comes around.

Put even more simply, what you believe is what you get! From a relationship point of view: if you believe in your heart of hearts that all men are jerks, the only men that come to you are jerks. If you believe that relationships are hard, all of your relationships will be hard. If you believe that marriage is a “ball and chain-kind of lifestyle,” guess what? You’ve got it…you will feel constrained no matter how liberated your mate. That is what you expect out of life.

Now let me back up a minute and say that even though the Secret and Law of Attraction has breathed new life into some old concepts, these notions and concepts have been out in public view for several hundred years. Some of the concepts are seen in Think & Grow Rich, which was written in 1928, and the Science of Getting Rich, 1910 or As a Man Thinketh and Master Key System to name only a few.

In my therapeutic practice, some that come to mind is cognitive reframing (CBT); neuro-linguistic programming (NLP); and of course Carl Jung (Jungian Psychology). From a CBT point of view, frame your statements to others and to yourself as what you want to see happen. In the process, eliminate all of the negative energy around the statement. Turn your hot thoughts into cool thoughts and you are going to get more out of life. Negative energy turns simple tasks into hard ones.

For example, twenty years ago I was doing some executive consulting in another state. The Executive Director and I were discussing getting employees to work independently on their tasks. I had observed many times employees coming to her with long drawn out discussions on this problem or that problem and this person or that one. Each time the discussions seem to get longer as well as more negatively and emotionally charged. So I asked permission to do a positive intervention and she agreed.

The Director asked Mary to come into her office and when she was seated, I simply asked Mary to, “tell me exactly what you want to see happen.” She blinked back her surprise, thought a moment and said “Well, I want the red team to lead the exercise I put together.” I mustered a warm smile and said “Great, go back to your team and ask them if they feel comfortable doing that.” She replied “what if they don’t want to do it.” I responded, “What if they do want to do it.” She sputtered a bit and left the room. The discussions took 30 seconds, and guess what, the team wanted to lead the exercise. The Director was stunned that we were spared all of the negative stories about who did what to whom and she found a strategy that gave her more energy to do positive things with the staff. The scenario was a win-win from anyone’s perspective.

The key is to eliminate the negative emotions behind the statements, along with saying exactly what you want to see happen. Another client once said to me; “If I have to tell Johnny one more time, “don’t slam the door, I am going to scream.” You could feel the anger behind her voice. I empathized for a moment and then said “Change your perspective Amy.” I continued, “Smile, get at eye level to him and say “Johnny, I would like you close the door softly.” I continued, “The important thing here Amy is to feel the smile from the inside out and believe that he will respond.” The next week in our teleconference, she excitedly told me that “It worked; I had to practice it a lot before I used it, and I had to do it a couple of times, but it did work. I am going to use this approach with everything!” Another point, she had to practice a lot because she was just as used to starting off harshly and saying “don’t” as Johnny was used to ignoring her requests. If I could give you one great tip, it would be to eliminate don’t, no, and not from you vocabulary as much as possible.

Reframing words and the energy beneath the words empowers you to get what you want for yourself regardless of who you are talking to. The right attitude evokes a quiet self assurance that we know we will be successful, this projects a positive emotion out all around you and it permeates your environment. When we then know that we are going to get what we want, we supply the energy to draw what we want to us. This magnetic and powerful energy attracts the objects of our desire. ~I offer you permission to believe~

See more about the Secret and the Law of Attraction on my website:
Soul Moments

“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.”
~ Albert Einstein

From a spiritual standpoint, communication is probably the most important thing we do everyday. We all think we do our best to convey our thoughts about ideas to each other and for the most part we do. We send out a message to someone and sometimes we are lucky enough to find out that we have been heard. We may even feel that the other person has interpreted our message exactly in the way we meant to convey it. Only when things are not working do we stop to assess.

What typically happens is that the receiver gives a nod or eye contact and we believe the receiver understood us. Unfortunately that is not always the case. So there we go down a rabbit hole in an endless cycle of messages that go haywire leading relationships, business and families down a sinking hole of mistrust. This is why communicating well is so important to us. But how does it affect our spiritual selves? What makes it so essential to our daily lives, personal, business and spiritual? More importantly, why is it so difficult to make ourselves understood by the opposite sex, or in business and even within the same family? Because we all come from different perspectives, using different lenses to address the issues at hand. We wear diverse hats with varied backgrounds, come from sub- cultures and different perceptual experiences.

Each of us in our individual professions such as law, accounting, medical, business, human resources, construction, marketing, social services, (the list is endless) has a culture and language of our own. We have shortcuts to talking to each other and each of us comes to the table looking through the lens of their profession. Crossing over to the perspective of another profession, a culture within itself, is complicated. Then factor in all of the other subcultures: race and ethnicity, corporate culture, regional culture (where you live), personal style, gender, and the waters get muddier. It is a wonder that we communicate at all!

Today’s corporate teams need to work together to produce great results. Productivity depends on leading our teams and our families in ways that make everyone successful. The way to ensure that happens is to get people communicating effectively across these sub cultures. Let’s just look at the sub culture of gender.

The first time I shared some cross gender communication techniques in a management workshop, I was talking to a group of upper level managers. Two men sitting beside each other were good friends, at the same level in the organization and equally educated. We were talking about communication and they were nodding. I am always looking for “teachable moments” and wanted to make a point about assumptions in communication. I looked around and noticed the women were also nodding, so I asked the men what their nodding meant to them. Well, of course they said they agreed with me.

Next I asked the women what their nodding meant to them. They said with a knowing smile that they were not agreeing at all, that they were “following what I was saying” or perhaps “bonding with me,” but definitely not agreeing. These two managers looked shocked, and then looked at each other puzzled as the light dawned on their personal life. When men see women nod and think they are agreeing they are assuming a great deal. This is why men tend to see women as waffling on subjects, because they appear to change their minds. They are not waffling, since they never agreed in the first place (See Leading the Sexes to Successful Communication).

The process gets more complicated. Looking from the perspective of personal styles we all come to the table with our own personal style of operating. Those who assess temperament say that there are 16 separate types of personality with a unique way of communicating within each style. We see the world, even if we grew up in the same family from our own unique vantage point.

Some of us are introverts and some of us are extroverts using different ways to take in energy. Some of us are data conscious while others find it more appealing stay open to the possibilities, and all of us use one of 2 main methods to judge the world. In addition about three quarters of the population uses “feeling” words (with emotional content), while about a quarter of the population uses objective words to describe what we see. This is not right or wrong, bad or good; it just is the way each of us developed through time.

Within corporate cultures we communicate using these different styles to interpret, communicate and problem solve. We each bring our unique puzzle piece to the table and this is a good thing. If we all brought in the same puzzle piece, we would not create the rich, creative models for problem solving. We would be barely adequate in conducting business, creating movement and making decisions. The more diverse the population of the team, the more creative we are in our problem solving efforts, but alas, this also makes us more quarrelsome since we see things differently.

Even within families we see this diversity. In a spiritually perfect world we would all be raised by ideal parents in adoring families, and influenced by flawless institutions (schools, churches and communities). Our experiences would be uncomplicated as we would communicate directly for everything we need and in return we would receive everything we want back, easily and effortlessly. Unfortunately, we are limited (at this time) by the physical world. We also come from a diverse set of circumstances unlike many cultures (of pure lineage) around the world.

Finally, each individual is blessed with their own unique interpretation of reality called perception. This is the capacity to take in and understand a physical, emotional, or intellectual observation and interpret it using our experiences. Those experiences along with what we are seeing or hearing shape our thoughts and how we approach each situation.

We communicate imperfectly and shrug it off, blaming the other guy for the flaw in communication. I want to reinforce though that it takes two to communicate anything. There is always a sender and a receiver in any communication transaction. Each transaction is a process where by we are accountable to the other to interpret what is said the way the sender intended the listener to hear it. Because this communication is flawed, countless dollars are lost annually in business, relationships end in divorce, families break down, and friendships are ruined, all because of communication that has gone astray.

For some, the easiest fix is to live cloistered within a culture, profession, club, family, or friendship circle that feels familiar. In this way we have predictable methods in which to operate, what to think, what to expect and how to interpret our reality. Falling into assumption traps, failing to follow a concept through without asking pertinent questions keeps listeners blind to growth. This works in the short run, although it can be limiting, since it’s harder to grow when we are less able to experience new ideas, and stretch our consciousness beyond our boundaries. Keeping boundaries flexible includes listening with our whole selves: mind, body and soul.

Moving to a higher level of consciousness is a spiritual aim that relies on good communication. By and large, if we are not communicating with others, we are also not communicating with ourselves. Communication consists of three main elements: words, tone, and body language and all must be in alignment. Communicating with spiritual intent is possible only when we are fully present in the moment, are authentic and true to self, ultimately focusing on the other person and what is being said. This straight talk is enhanced by listening actively while giving and accepting honest feedback.

This is the give and take of any relationship and it is the mainstay of spiritual intimacy. It is a value that you can manage in life, in business, in family, in community and in relationship. In the pool of life, we create concentric circles with every verbal pebble we send out into this vast Universe, reverberating with life and pure energy. We can have this kind of relationship in business. We can and we must, if we are to ever have lasting peace. Corporations and small business are a big part of our communities today and where we spend a great deal of time communicating across subcultures. Consequently, peace is supported in mindful communication that works to understand, while denying the small daily wars in living. Communication is the vehicle to peace and we are all its drivers. World peace is possible, but the responsibility is ours to create peace where we are, within our own backyard, to build this brave new world.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
~Josh Billings, columnist and humorist (1818-1885)

Many years ago, between my work as a therapist and my work as a life coach, I worked in a large public agency as a management trainer and performance coach. I taught managers how to work better with their employees, how to communicate with them most effectively and set performance goals that got the job done. In business, we have performance goals to keep us accountable to the Strategic Plan.

In everyday life we create our own performance goals to keep us accountable to our own life plan. A simple example that we can all relate to is, “I will perform eating better, by using XX dietary plan to maintain a median weight by October 22, 2008. We don’t always follow through, therefore, in business we have performance coaches, and in life we have life coaches.

As a life coach, I use a holistic approach, keeping clients nourished and connected to spirit.
What is lost to business is the nourishment that feeds us, and we long for a different job or retirement to get back to our true Self.

This was brought home to me one day as our organization got a new department head. I waited and watched as the new person settled in. One of our first conversations gravitated to values management, a hot term of the day that fizzled out over time. She let me know that she was “not what she did for a living” I thought this as an odd thing to say, since it is impossible to be disconnected to self for very long. I felt that there was a story there somewhere. I paid a lot of attention to her as she evolved over the 6 years that I worked there.

During that time I observed a quiet, sensitive, and somewhat thoughtful person, evolve and change. I watched someone detach from a set of belief’s that drove her life. Detaching helped her feel more comfortable in the short run. Although she was not fed by her new beliefs and while she played her cards to her best advantage, her success was short lived. Which begs the question, are you what you do? Would you be happy with your answer?

We all want to feel successful in our work life and the way to ensure this is to create our own performance goals that are consistent with our core values and belief systems. In this way, we attract like minded people and situations that harness the pure potentiality of business power. So, what if we work for someone else? What if they drive goal setting?

Then manage those goals by communicating why you feel the way you do about a particular objective. Support your business environment to the fullest by advocating for what you believe in. At core, we work with people that are pretty similar. If you are uncomfortable, then perhaps everyone is too. Work the process by managing down, and selling up. Always keep spirit at the table with you, even in the board room. That means to feel the power of Source backing you and an attitude of gratitude for each day. The more you do this, the more the Law of Attraction works with you. You get back what you send out to the Universe. Allowing all of Self to be present in our work life, we blossom in intriguing ways. The Universe then provides what we seek.

You don’t know how you feel, you say? Easy enough to find out just ask yourself and of course then listen to what you have to say. Your higher consciousness always knows the way. When setting a work related goal, go through the usual set of strategies: Is the objective time limited and measurable? Can it be broken down into steps that can be managed step-by-step and task-by-task?

Have you communicated with the other important people involved and do all of the stakeholders agree? How are the stakeholders getting organized and does everyone agree on who will be accountable for the results within each step of the process? Now that you have the usual business steps in place, the next important step and the one left out as a rule is to check your intuition.

Test your Internal Core Beliefs
*How do you feel about the goal? Does if feel right?
*Does the methods needed to get the job done fit your personal values?
*Would the important people in your life (not attached to work) agree?
*Does the goal in general work for the business and environment you are in?

The last question is a gem in the Organizational Development business. Many people refuse to “call it like it is” preferring the more vague politicking and side discussions to the direct challenge of full team discussions. They let the powers that be flounder, not sharing their expertise for fear of reprisal.

So who folds? Everyone, including us, because we have not stepped up to the task, not allowed spirit into the work world, not allowed energy and information to flow. Consequently we constrict our work world view, as we might constrict other parts of our life. Ultimately, we know when we are in flow, because everything becomes easy and effortless. The bottom line is that we are all connected to the whole. What we send out we get back in a cosmic loop.

So allow the loop to come full circle and provide a work world of pure potentiality and abundance. Managing those team efforts with cosmic clarity produces work goals and solutions that bring prosperity to our communities. All of the intuitive questions above help us to see past the concrete and intellectual goals that drive us, to connect to our core values, to what we believe. Play your hand well by completing the cosmic loop, feed your business soul and open to full work prosperity.

There are magical moments in our lives, you know the times, when everything flows easily and effortlessly and the world is in perfect harmony. We are full of life, at peace, and know all is well. Everywhere we look there is beauty. We catch a glimpse a world in which anything is possible. Our energy has made the right shift, a light shift and we are vibrating at the optimum level of energy for greatest satisfaction. Not so high that we are scattered, not so low that we are uncomfortable with negativity… everything feels right, and we are in a curious state of calm. Now how do we nurture these conditions to keep them constant?

Sometimes we think that if we work at it, we can recreate the scenario that takes us to that level, what we call centered. We want to keep this magic alive and try to look for more things and circumstances to make these conditions repeat. A simple example is we have a great new car and feel on top of the world in this great new car. After the car is old news we must find a new thing to take its place. We go on a trip, we get an award, we help someone, our kid makes the honor role, we get the perfect job, the perfect deal, or some such thing–you know the drill. Mostly “things” and “events” shape the way.

We can continue to create these situations and conditions that help to manifest the state of affairs that will make our world great. Externals have their place to bring fun, color and joy to living, but they don’t make the kind of peace that I am referring to. What I am referring to is a stable, long term sense of inner serenity. The trick is to allow the good things in life in, while our inner spiritual power blossoms, without feeling like we have to continually perform. When we are performing, it feels like acts of desperation rather than serene states of faithful knowing. The work is to stay in alignment, that is, thought, feeling, belief, and desire connect and match consistently. Then of course, we must let go of the dramas that fill life in a negative way and move to mid ground to keep our energy pure.

Then there are those for whom the simple “things of life” are elusive. When you feel that the great new car (fill in the blank) just isn’t materializing, then ask yourself some hard questions. Sometimes we are in a mind set that doesn’t work. What we want doesn’t fit with our beliefs about who we are or how we have been conditioned to see ourselves. With these elements in conflict we allow emotion to drive our belief systems, and we are resisting the very thing we want. So if you say you want money, but your belief is that money causes corruption, then you probably won’t have much money in your life. One cancels out the other. What if you don’t feel that way, but a parent did? Then that belief is lurking somewhere, buried in your history banks as Parent Tape #6,426. Unburying that parent tape is the first step in getting resolution.

Any way you look at it, these circumstances takes a toll on how your desire is fulfilled. Incongruence in any of these areas resists the process. Openness to allowing creates energy around fulfillment of those desires. So how do we begin? There is only one way, with us!

Tips to get started

· Meditate: Structured or otherwise meditation works, even if it is only
one or two minutes several times a day, practice breathing and staying focused.
· Break up negative thoughts: With non-judging observation, then
redirect your attention to anything beautiful
· Hold your attention: On what you desire, which can be a image in your
minds eye or a physical picture
· Examine desires: What do you believe about them? What do your
parents believe? What does your personal culture (family of origin) believe?
· Emotions: Stay in a feel good place, but get detached from the
outcome.
· Synchronistic clues: Look for guidance in everyday interactions, be
vigilant for a word or gesture that will provide direction. Take action when appropriate.
· Intuition: What does it say? Your higher consciousness knows the
way. Trust yourself!

Ultimately the answers are within us. This place inside, past all of the layers of our history is our core self, a place of pure love and this energy unites us with our Source. In this joyful reunion with our own magnificence we see the beauty in all living things. Here is where our power lies, within this temple of pure energy and non-judgment. In this way we allow ourselves to live full, complete and abundant lives.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a
field….I will meet you there. ~Rumi

I have talked to many people over the years, from the most traditional and dogmatic of religious seekers to the most out there on the spiritual plane. They all see spirituality as the way to inner peace as their traditions help them to transcend the ordinary and connect to higher consciousness. Growing in spirituality helps to expand our sense of purpose and transcend our ordinary lives, consequently questioning and integrating beliefs and values with actions. During this process we develop a tolerance of opposites and contradictions that exist within our world and belief systems. The same can be said true of a spiritual relationship.

Within our individual spiritual development, as we become more, a feeling of comfort exists within us as our place in the universe and a connection to something larger than us unfolds. We are happier, more peaceful, and realize full spiritual wellness. Individual happiness includes an expanded sense of Self as it relates to our core beliefs and how we and our beliefs fit in a bigger picture. The more global we get, the larger our scope, the more we need to integrate it all to make sense of it.

Meditation is useful to access our higher consciousness and inner Self. This place within us has incredible power, clarity and peace. Centering meditation allows our mind to open and fill with awareness and observation. While guided meditation moves spirit along by enhancing inner imagery to create expansion of perspective, just like opening up the windows or doors of a house, instead we’re opening up our mind and the windows of our lives. We are allowing the expanded vista that enables healing and change.

Once we know who we are today and where we are going, we can then connect better to those around us. Whether we are in long term relationships or newly together, it makes sense that we share our understanding of that inner self as we know it. A highly satisfying partnership begins or is enhanced by integrating spirituality into the relationship, creating a deep spiritual foundation for further growth as a couple. When two people in a relationship both believe in the greatness and importance of spirit, their lives become more unified, moving easily and effortlessly towards each milestone on their path.

When relationships are based on traditional religions, it seems more obvious how belief systems might play out. However, when there isn’t clear-cut dogma to draw on or the relationship has transcended the dogma, reevaluation might be the next step. A couple that hasn’t agreed upon a particular spiritual path or doesn’t reflect a cohesive belief system can feel disconnected. Clarifying one’s spiritual foundation can be the beginning of a whole new level of relatedness, bringing a close relationship closer, inspiring new depth and freshness into living. All aspects of lives are enhanced as we become more of who we are individually and together. How does one approach such an awesome undertaking? How do we connect the dots between two individual inner lives? The path is obvious on one level and mysterious on another, stay with me as we follow this intimate path from both perspectives…

Women’s needs have been examined from different viewpoints over the years, but the essential elements most wanted of a relationship remain the same. What is most consistently affirmed is our need for communication and intimacy. Communication is intimate when it targets, in a nonjudgmental way, both information and feelings. Sometimes our communications get into trouble when discussions leave one or the other out or we blend feelings, behaviors, and information targeting the other person. Clear and clean communication is the first step to enhancing spirituality, because the likelihood of finding deep spiritual connection when feelings are festering under the relationship is difficult at best.

As for intimacy, we sometimes confuse it with nurturing, but intimacy is not nurturing. Intimacy is an activity between equals, a reciprocal sharing of feeling and thought. While nurturing is a ‘caretaking’ activity that may feel warm and fuzzy, and may have its place, it also can be controlling. While these are two very distinct activities, many women discuss these activities together, as if the two were combined and enmeshed into a single exercise. How we define the exercise may be very different. Webster defines intimacy as “to put into, announce or declare…” that is, to put our masks aside, just be ourselves with another person, and this builds relationship.

What is intimacy for you…historical continuity, shared feelings, or something else? We could discuss relationships composed of different gender mixes, but let’s look at traditional relationships. When we pin a traditional man down for definition, he is likely to say that sex is his most intimate activity, and communication and feelings are at the low end of the spectrum.

Actually, connecting words with feeling and emotion can be difficult and frightening for anyone these days. But for men, this fear begins with being brought up to think he must always be in control, the rational man, the archetype of John Wayne personified. He may feel that the verbal exchanges tinged with emotion seem like conflict, exposing vulnerability that he is not ready to share. Men find conflict easier in the Board Room* or on the athletic field, then in relationship.

Women on the other hand, need more of what comes before intimacy and communication. Their needs vary over time, but all include affection (eye contact, touching, warmth, etc.), and open, honest conversations. This sets the stage to create the intimate connections that we are all looking. Communication occurs over time through an open and honest sharing of thoughts and ideas regarding things that play out in our every day lives. Without these discussions, we never get to know the real us. These warm and revealing conversations are the cornerstones of relationship. This is what is meant by connecting with women “between the ears.” Men would do well to heed the message, because this is the best way to prepare and set the stage for romance.

So there you have it, within the traditional relationship, he needs control and she needs connection. Here lies the first major stumbling block towards shared needs. An awareness of these differences is the first step towards spiritual equilibrium within relationship. Each offering of self to the other is a gift of trust, and a step towards authenticity as we learn more about who we are individually and together. As we progress towards this balance, we move back and forth, swaying to and fro, negotiating a rhythm between our need for connectedness and our need for autonomy.

Each of us has a different understanding of the beat that must be maintained in order to keep this dance alive. We sometimes think we know and many times we guess, mostly we negotiate without really communicating clearly how we feel. How much is negotiable to enable the dance to continue? Within this dance we have the opportunity to move our relationship from ordinary to spiritual illumination, into a dance of light energy.

Revealing core Self is all about communicating, and within the realm of communication, we see that balance more clearly. During this time we are either involved or self contained. Our needs are conflicted between participation and independence, to be connected and to be separate simultaneously. This is a way of thinking about each other that must come full circle for an interdependent partnership to unfold. We must serve both needs at once in all we say and do. Because of this double bind, communication will never be perfect. We have no choice but to keep trying to balance independence and involvement, continually making adjustments as we list from one side to another.

Making adjustments is clearly an essential component to deep spiritual communication and communion. As a result, it helps to first understand that men and women communicate very differently. Paraphrasing Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., most men talk to convey information and have a greater need for independence and power. Women, on the other hand, typically talk to be connected with others and to share feelings. We have a greater need to be involved with others; therefore, we are more interested in negotiating to resolution. Unfortunately, it also makes us appear unsure of ourselves, fueling the fires of powerlessness.

Because women have a greater need to be involved, they tend to be more knowledgeable about their feelings as well as the psychology and culture of men. Some women seem to possess a Ph.D. when it comes to emotions and what men want. While men typically do not know how they feel–they know how they think, but not how they feel. So, they end up feeling uncomfortable when asked to participate with women who may be more experienced in the arena of emotions. This is no surprise, since men are not socially rewarded for their efforts to know about their feelings or contribute to the development of better relationships. They are content to view us as one of those mysterious phenomenon’s of life, the feminine mystique, and we allow the mystery to persist.

There are many paradoxical feelings in our spiritual connections to others and all of these allow us to learn about ourselves. Everyday we look into the eyes of our partner and see a reflection of self. That reflection grooms us and helps us grow in our spiritual development. Interestingly enough, keeping spirit balanced and our relationship integrated helps us personally to evolve our sense of self. A surprising and little known fact is that women can be frightened of intimacy too, especially in today’s life styles. It is difficult to take off that mask and be who we really are with others, sharing that inner life that perhaps we are just getting to know.

While meditation is the obvious choice for individuals who want to know their own inner life; it is much more powerful done together. Combining both communication and meditation helps us to prepare each other for a spiritual depth of renewal that is an amazing shared journey inward, leading us to know the other in an extraordinarily different way. Our higher consciousness connects intuitively to allow a perspective of life that we may not be aware of on a conscious level. As we suspend judgment we are empowered to unite and play out this mystery of life as we bridge the gap of the unknown.

The real challenge for those in partnership is getting to know and remain true to us, while letting the other into our world. We are the perfect Self that we can be at this time in our development. Celebrate the essence of that Self by allowing all that we are full acknowledgment. When we accept and are accepted without judgment, we grow to the next level in our development. We allow the differences to melt away, while we connect to the similarities, linking to each other through common ground.

This shifting in and out of self knowledge can be likened to the struggle of the caterpillar growing and being nourished within its cocoon. We assimilate enough understanding to know what enhances development and what needs to stay dormant to keep our social systems in place. Much like the butterfly, we have the possibility to emerge as the radiant being of energy and light that we are at our core, illuminating the way to others in a swirling dance of light. We are then one with the Universe and each other.

We often hear it said that we should be grateful for the things that come into our lives. That an attitude of gratitude can move mountains and that it is important to thank the Universe for our daily bread, our clothes, our health and the other fine things that we are blessed with. Mostly we say the words in rote memorization for those things that we know we should remember to say thank you for and that is a good thing. As the old Jewish proverb says, “when we smile the heart follows.” We say these prayerful meditations learned by heart to praise the Universe and all that is brought forth so willingly.

We believe that it is our job to send this gratitude to the Universe, and in return the Universe will provide. That is the Law of Attraction and the Secret of living. What we send out we get back. This may lead us to think that the Universe needs our praise and gratitude, and this is a fair barter for all the riches provided, but this is not the case. The truth is that we need our gratitude. It is for ourselves that we need to give thanks, for our own sake. This has nothing to do with how the Universe operates.

The magic of the Universe operates with or without our appreciation. Our love and thankfulness is not needed by the vast, omnipotent, intelligent energy structure that has created and runs this Magnificence that we live within. We alone need gratitude for our own sakes and our own personal growth potential. We need to feel grateful and appreciate life so that we can benefit, and progress emotionally. So, if what we send out is what we get back, and gratitude is a part of it, then we get that energy of appreciation back to us. How does that work and why?

We are made of energy and so are all living things. Energy is increased and decreased within us as we take part in living life. As people and things come into our lives, they give us energy and we give them energy. Like a bank account that increases and decreases based on deposits and withdrawals, the account that is named for us expands and contracts. Emotions are the currency that we bank roll for health and wellness. As we move through life we use them to assess ourselves like a thermometer that measures our internal temperature. Emotions remind us how we are doing, that is, if we are honestly reading our temperature.

The more we are cut off from our inner life, the less able we are to access that part of us. We cover over feelings with food, drugs, alcohol, play and work until we don’t know how we feel. Then something creeps up on us to let us know that we are in trouble. We get more and more negative emotions seeping into our lives in the form of depression, anxiety and sadness. Or perhaps a sense of
dis-ease creeps in that turns into disease. There are only two main emotions, fear-based and pleasure-based emotions. We have a choice of living a love-based life or living a fear-based life.

Many feelings encompass these two main areas. The first is anything that brings pleasure: peace, joy, acceptance, and those things that feel good. Then there is anything that brings pain: sadness, disgust, anger and fear. It is up to us to look for those things that fill us up and reduce or eliminate those things that deplete our reserves. Pleasurable things, for the most part fill us up, while painful and fear-based things deplete the system.

We get up in the morning and if we have had a decent night’s sleep we basically feel like all is well. We start every day with a clean sheet of paper in our ledger of life. Think of the self as this clean sheet of paper for a moment. We are moving through our morning and something simple happens. A car swerves around us and scares the life out of us. In this simple act, our day takes a turn. We can say to ourselves, “I guess he didn’t see me, I am truly blessed to have missed this accident waiting to happen. I was scared, but I’m safe now.” Or we can say to ourselves, “that crazy son a gun tried to kill me.” In the first scenario we break even and in the latter, we make a big withdrawal from the ledger of our day. This continues, because we know once we get started, the energy smolders within us and eventually drains away. We continue to find fault with our day and the very act of living. We attract more of what we don’t want.

The more we ignore and pile up negativity in our system, the more we stockpile tension and dis-ease. This can be for many reasons, mostly because we were taught that we shouldn’t feel bad about things that happen. We were taught to be nice and not make waves. No one taught us how to experience our feelings, let them go and then assertively make what isn’t working right. We cover feelings with a great many things to make ourselves feel good, even work.

Turning addictive processes into a positive addiction helps, but no cigar here, because we tend to overdue that too. So if it is socially acceptable to work hard, we work too much. If it is socially acceptable and good for the body to be a runner, we run on sprained ankles, in the rain and with the flu. Balance isn’t there because we have shut down our internal guide, the feeling that let us know what our temperature is registering and that we are in trouble.

Which would you have in your life? My guess would be pleasurable things and an increase of energy and vitality. So what does it for you? What makes you feel good? How is it when you do feel good? Energy flows and life feels great. We are positive, and truly living an attitude of gratitude. The living seems easy. This flow creates a world where everything moves easily and effortlessly. We are moved by the beauty of every living thing. The colors around us are mesmerizing and beautiful. Our step is light and we know we can do anything. We feel good and we look our best. Life is the way we want it to be. This is when appreciation for all things are ours. Our ledger of life is in the black and growing and we want it always to remain so.

This is the work of the Universe, to help us to see that we can experience life in this way all of the time. This is possible when we work towards finding balance in our emotional life, which creates an effortless world of synchronicity, beauty and pleasure. Come with us to this world of luminous beauty, abundance and joy. Grow your energy in the ledger of life, and with gratitude, invest in our Divine Self. If not now when?

I remember one Valentine’s Day a colleague of mine came into my office in a huff. He snickered, flailing his arms in an expansive gesture of frustration. His eyeballs rolled back in his head as he groaned, “do you know I counted 42 pieces of red clothing on women today?” You know the typical, red blouses, little earrings that are worn to celebrate the day. He was clearly exasperated by the whole thing. “Why do women do this kind of thing anyway?”

I grinned as he flopped into a chair. “What’s the real problem Dennis?” “I don’t get it,” he said, “You know I can’t win with what I get her. She says she doesn’t want anything, but you know if I don’t get something I will never hear the end of it. And the worst is I have to get something bigger and better every year, its hopeless!”

I didn’t think it was the best time to tell him that for some women it is probably one of the few times in a year that they can count on some kind of validation. A time when someone openly tells them that they are special, loved and cherished. Some women and men need to hear the words and see it on paper, some don’t. This difference depends on expectations.

Expectation for Valentines is usually based in childhood celebrations, and the meaning that was placed on the day. This is driven home daily by media messages “to show her you care, give her a …fill in the blank.” We know that Valentines Day can add to our loneliness and depression if we are not in a relationship, because it reminds us that we are alone in the world. There is no mirror image, no one to validate who we are, make us feel special.

On the other hand, when we are in a relationship there are all of these things we need to do to nurture each other. As my coworker above stated, it feels like a no win situation. As the relationship evolves, building little traditions of our own, we find less need to be validated in this way. But, it is only when we see ourselves as special that we stop looking to other people to show us our core beauty. The love we want is really inside, in our core self, and not external to us.

Feeling that someone should buy candy, roses or other romantic gifts is far from romantic for the buyer or the receiver. Even so, buying some routine gift that means little to the sender or recipient is meaningless, unless it is part of a belief system that was nurtured from childhood. So, make that a part of your discussions as you get to know each other. If you can’t see yourself doing it, then you better get that straight up front.

People often feel guilty and stressed when they don’t live up to another’s idealized romantic expectations. Planning romantic moments together can be fun, energizing and cement the relationship. That said, it is only fun if you share the idealized expectation. This doesn’t have to be expensive trips, and it can be finding creative ways to get away from the kids for a few hours. There are many ways to show love that costs nothing. Love notes placed in a clean shirt, unexpected phone calls to each other to say you were thinking of each other, the list is endless.

What helps is to find out where the guilt is coming from and discuss this honestly with your loved one. If you don’t like doing Valentines, but it is important to the other person, ask yourself what it would take to make it happen. Could you live with this? Could you find another way to show you care? If someone needs more than you can give, then find out why they need it and what keeps you from giving it. This in and of itself will deepen the relationship.

So, what makes people feel loved? A better question might be, “How have we learned to feel loved?” This is different for everyone. Some people need gifts, while others would rather have your time, eye contact and to really be seen or have their efforts recognized. Some people need to have things done for them and that makes them feel loved. From a gender standpoint, men tend to experience love through sex, while women experience it through physical closeness and communication.

There are many other ways we feel loved, but in the long run it is someone taking the time to know what makes us tick. This makes us feel recognized and validated. As you get clarity on needs and wants assume nothing, talk to each other about what is wanted and needed.

·Get straight what you both need to “feel” the energy and passion of the relationship.

·Find your beauty and sense of worth within you, no one can see it if you can’t.

·Find meaningful and creative ways to express your love that is shaped by both of your expectations and needs. Make a game of it; exploring these ideas can be fun.

·Gratitude helps, what does your partner give to the relationship that keeps you around? Let him or her know that these things are important to you.

·Talk to each other! The Valentine Tradition may not be all that important to either of you. If it is, could it be expressed in a way that is agreeable to both? Share your thoughts, wants and needs. What can you live with?

Besides all of this, feigned sugary sweetness is the opposite of true love. From the perspective of the relationship, love is a life time of give and take. Love always stands alone. Love needs nothing in the eye of the beholder. When we are loved deeply, we can feel love’s power radiating back and forth, from the heart. Like an ancient dance moving in rhythm to the beat of our soul.

From the beginning of time we have been attracted to each other and to the continuing cycle of life, to gain sustenance, grow and play out a destiny together. This attraction leads to admiration, love, and in due course, to higher vibrations of light energy. At love’s first blush, our combined energy is a powerful thing to behold. We can practically see the stars light up as we become the focus and center of the earth, of our Universe. We are in awe of each other as we discover the wonder and bliss of being together, being one. The mirror image is perfect as it reflects the joy and power of sharing. This is perfect love, perfect joy and perfect peace played out in a reflection of the other.

Romantic love is the prelude to a partnership in life’s journey. This powerful journey provides nourishment to the soul, and alas, ego builds as the perfect complement to life. More definition comes to the partnership as a family begins and we take our place in the community.

When we look down at our first child we realize this gift from the Heavens, the perfect creation and complement to life, has unfolded. Great steams of energy shift our personal light ever higher in a brilliant illumination that everyone recognizes. The joy and love in this reflection of self is an awesome experience that many share and all recognize. Love answers the ancient call to generate more love.

Loving from the deepest part of ourselves, given without expectation or judgment, allows the blessed object of our desire to flourish. Both participants of the mirrored partnership find balance and healing in this renewing exchange of energy. In this simple exchange we truly see the other at a soul level while reciprocally giving of self. This is easily recognized and understood with lovers, children, friends, and also with pets. Energy shifts back and forth as we take some, and give some. Food for the soul, this nourishment is a critical part of loving, and often overlooked in our driven lifestyles. Keeping love’s energy vibrating high requires that we see each other, feel each other and give to the other in the way that meets our personal needs.

Let’s look at this from a different perspective, a plant for example. What kind of growth would occur in plant life if we only put water on it and deprived it of food? We all need different types of food to flourish. Plants get their energy from light; therefore, they need light to live and to go through the natural photosynthesis process. They will subsist without other nutrients, but not thrive. For plants to go beyond survival, to thrive, they need additional nutrients as the soil is depleted. Plants also need to be loved and admired. Ask anyone with a green thumb why their plants do so well. They will readily admit that they love their plants. This is the difference between a green thumb and a brown thumb. The green thumb gardener gives their plants attention.

Even an object, such as a car, needs attention. Car lovers provide more undivided attention to their vehicles than some parents give to their children. They wash, rub, polish, admire, take pictures of and fully appreciate their vehicles. Thus love creates beauty in the eye of the beholder. Not so easy for someone with whom relationship is a struggle.

The relationship that is a struggle is the most important of all. I am not referring to abusive relationships, but those that seem to cause discomfort. This is where we really grow into ourselves. Learning to see past the projection in this relationship of our most unwanted traits is the first step in true love of self.

Difficult as it may be to admit, that mirror is there because we have invited it into our lives. Get rid of the mirror and another one appears to take its place. Get rid of the relationship and it will be back exactly like the last one. When we allow ourselves to witness this part of self, accept and love ourselves, we are empowered. We have come to know and embrace all aspects of humanity.

Providing the energy of love is all there is in life. Love is the answer to every question. Give unconditionally to what you behold, especially those parts that are not well understood. Observe and give without judgment or expectation. Witness the mirror’s heart, the fulcrum and core of the reflection. This is love fulfilled, baring and exposing itself to both sides of the mirror’s edge in a dance of compassion. Love is co-creating itself in splendor and adorning itself in the light from our deepest and purest soulful reflection.

Love asks nothing, but to be. Whatever is left within the circle of love falls aside in appreciation of its self. We need only share that self and in the giving, we both grow and move to the next level of beingness. When we find that fulcrum’s edge in each mirror we behold, the relationship or beloved object comes full circle and energy’s light shifts again in deep revelation.

Lifted to perfect balance, we co-create our lives in full recognition as duality becomes complementary rather than apposed to the other. Touch one thing in pure conscious awareness and our veil is lifted. We ascend to full consciousness, and the circle of life fills with a purity and peace that nourishes the spirit. As love becomes the answer to every question, we live life in a mirror-less world of full abundance: materially, emotionally and spiritually.

The truth is, no one knows, because we do have free will and are co-creating our world as we go. Could it be that our negative world view set the stage for a negative interpretation? As we co-create our world, what would happen if we reserve the benefit of doubt around these magnificent prophesies? What would we see unfold?

Many centuries ago an ancient Mayan civilization talked of a great coming that would change our way of life forever. They prophesied that it would be on a grand scale. Some have interpreted this over time to be something cataclysmic, perhaps apocalyptic. This is not the case. We will gradually ascend to see our world differently, which will make our world different. What you send out, you get back. This is the law of attraction, and the law of the Universe. There can be no other.

Indeed, we will live a different life, and it will be a good thing, easing in as lovingly as we are becoming. The great happening will be a world full of peaceful and loving relationships. Negativity will slowly phase itself out of existence along with all of the other aspects that are the flip side of peace. Hard as it is to imagine, over time our lives will be filled with beauty and peace. With this transition, our dual natures are contained forever in the distant past.

On the surface all will remain the same. We will live out our lives in our chosen professions, doing what we love to do as computer specialists, managers, retailers, farmers, golfers, doctors, lawyers, and everything in between. The fact is that the transition will not be negative at all and we will elevate to something far better than we could ever imagine.

How long before this grand transition occurs, you ask? Well folks, it is already happening. Every time you choose to stop in your tracks on the path of negativity and think and feel differently, a step has been made. A life is altered on the threshold of a great discovery, the core of Self. Choosing to understand, or at least, withhold judgment until an understanding can be reached is a step toward this evolution to peaceful relationships and a great new world.

What if you find that your first instinct was correct and the worst is true? Someone really did mean you harm? Then your choice to be an observer of your feelings still makes sense. The lack of judgment creates a different path. Because you get what you send out to the Universe, choosing peaceful thoughts is never a waste of effort. Seeking peace, or at least acceptance, takes nothing from you but your anger, fear and misery. Would you prefer to have a life of misery? Is that a life worth living?

How would it be if you allowed yourself the luxury of making a choice to see the world through the eyes of love?

Let’s just look at our history for a moment. When I talk to people in my workshops and lectures, the first thing they bring up is that the world is plagued by danger, war, sickness and strife. Just look at the news. Bleak diatribes of disaster are within a click away at any moment of the day. True enough, but why would anyone want to make that their reality?

What about all of the wonderful things that are happening in the world? Where are they represented? In life, my friend! Within a life focused on peace, wonderful things happen around us. But let’s look at what I consider some real evidence of evolution.

Just look at where we have been, where we are and what we read these days. Thirty years ago you could not find a book on love, spirituality or peace anywhere. Leo Buscalia, Ph.D. started this “Love Movement,” by boldly speaking publicly about love in the late 70’s. As a professor, he talked his department heads into letting him give lectures on love at UCLA. Later, he moved on to Public Television. The public was hungry for his message. His lectures and workshops were huge gatherings of people who were overwhelmed with his words and stories of love. Was the man perfect? Not really, but he knew what mattered in life.

He always ended these lectures by inviting people up to get a Buscalia hug! He sent out cosmic love to everyone on those nights. I remember being glued to the TV, enraptured by his words. I was not alone, and later his books flourished in the bookstores.

Around the same time, John Naisbit, using marketing media hype, wrote Megatrends and Megatrends 2000. As a writer, he created a business, tracking public trends through newspapers worldwide. He predicted 20 years ago that we would make a great swing in our culture towards spirituality. His predictions have happened on a grand scale.

Now there are so many books on these topics they fill the aisles. It would be interesting to find out just how many books are out there on these subjects. We have expanded to not only love, spirituality and peace on a personal level, but in our business and public lives as well. There are hundreds of books and films on these combined topics, and the lists are growing. Even business is taking a turn as they see the significance of spirituality and values in management and business. So what does this have to do with our changing world?

Think about it, someone has to be reading these books. Thirty years ago there was no market for these topics, because no one was ready. Today we are inundated with so much information on the concept of love, spirituality and peace that everlasting peace is a heartbeat away. We are ready to know.

So how do we get there? The more we see how we can contribute towards peace in our everyday lives, the closer we get to actualization of a fearless world! What is the cost of living in a fear-less world? Just see the possibilities. Give up fear, which is the base of negative emotion, embrace love, and peace will come to us. Along with our own self-actualization, we set the stage for peaceful relations all over the world. We can do it, one step at a time. This is love on the grandest scale ever: love for self and love for humanity.

Everyone, from beauty queens to politicians, wants World Peace. What most don’t know is that peace begins with us! Peace isn’t about what is going on in the Middle East, peace is how we relate to every individual we meet on a daily basis.

Beginning with our self, every relationship we have is a stepping stone to World Peace. We move outward from our center to our spouses, children, parents, siblings, family members, co-workers, supervisors, church, school, and community.

As we become more at peace within our personal worlds, we will extend that peace outward like ripples on a lake. This spiritual unity will be achieved one person at a time and permeate our world. A great new world order is unfolding and this holiday season is a good time to reflect on the past as it relates to our future. Evolve to a place where we set a tone for peaceful relations with everyone we meet? How can we evolve to these great heights, you ask? Does that sound like a fantasy? Well it isn’t, just imagine, and peace will grow.

The first part of this process is to let go. Let go of that which does not serve us or our future. Give the benefit of doubt to that which you do not understand. Love deeply and unconditionally. Love is the answer to every question. Begin with love every day and know that most people want the best out of living. Helping each other get the best out of life ensures success for all of humanity. This is a win-win scenario at its best, and a simple reframe in our thinking will help us to get there. Remember, what we send out, we get back. This is the law of quantum physics and the law of attraction.

So what happens when we are zipping along, loving everyone and along comes Aunt Thelma to throw a monkey wrench in our love machine? There will always be someone that disrupts the flow, right? We are only human. We don’t always see eye to eye with everyone, because we are different people even though we are connected at our roots to One Source. That said, there might be folks in our lives that we love more when we don’t get to see them very often.

Ultimately, we need a plan to help us manage our “love machine” to keep moving with the flow. Briefly stated, we need to live spontaneously, but take charge. When we get information we do not ask for, it helps to have a plan. When someone says something that triggers a move down the path of negativity, stop for a moment and regroup. Family gatherings are great for this, but it could be John at the office, Mary down the street, or Mr. Jones at school.

Let’s develop a plan to deal with the Aunt Thelma’s of the world. Those wonderful people that know how to fix everything, just trust them and they will get the job done. Aunt Thelma might say something about marriage. She might use our whole name or a cute nickname to address us, even if we are 42 years old.

“Rachel Mae you are so cute, when are you going to get married anyway?” (Or have a baby; get a real job, etc.) “Now Bobby, how is it you are still unattached; have I ever got a gal for you! Can’t play the field forever, ya know?” The topic can be anything, but you get the idea.
She has just lovingly meddled in our business, right? She may not know it but she has just disrupted our love machine and she thinks she is helping! Even so, she really does want the best for us in her own way. This is her, loving us the best way she knows how to, the way others have taught her to love.

So take a minute and take in a breath and then let it out. Take another one in, it’s okay, you don’t have to answer right away. Take the time to breathe in the light and love of the Universe–keep eye contact, smiling and nodding affirmatively until the feeling is felt fully.

Centered?

Now say to Aunt Thelma, “Hmmm–that sounds like something I’ll have to take a look at when I have time. Thank you so much for caring enough (mean it) to share that with me. I think now that you have pointed that out, I can work on it in my own way.”

This message is not meant to be given with sarcasm, so take care with your tone. This is you, setting a limit or creating a loving boundary with her. Then let her know that you love and appreciate her caring enough to want the best for you. Think of this as a gift from her to you. Stay centered enough to consider the possibilities. If it really does bother you then perhaps it deserves further scrutiny.

When you are alone, pretend that Aunt Thelma is a mirror to your soul. What is it that Aunt Thelma is saying, that in your heart of hearts you know could be possible? Let yourself dialogue with Aunt Thelma in your mind’s eye, during a private moment. Is there something to be learned here?

Could it be that you have gotten too caught up in the “Sex & the City” kind of lifestyle? Or are you too comfortable with living alone or too anxious to use your energy to get into a relationship? Have you put your one and only off too long? Is she making waves like she is ready to jump ship? Have you gotten so “into” sports night out that meaningful relationships seem boring by comparison?

Maybe those messages that you don’t want to hear aren’t all wet after all. Maybe there is a grain of truth in what is being shared. Perhaps some of those messages that make you crazy are really the Universe helping you to see where you need to go next. This is negative synchronicity making a statement, and if we listen, we set the stage for positive synchronicity in all its glory! We are enveloped with peace, and our lives move easily and effortlessly. Our world manifests’ our greatest desires before we ask. We live in a mirror-less world of pure intention.

We sometimes get so caught up in hanging on to who we think we are that we are unwilling to let new information in to build a better life, a better Self. That doesn’t mean that we have to act on each event right away, just suppose there is some part of the message that we need to look at. If so, do we have to feel so irritated by the message that we shoot the messenger? Find your sense of humor and joy in living.

Suspend judgment long enough to let the raw information into your heart and simmer, you never know what you will cook up. Let it be a recipe of love and peace. This is World Peace, one step at a time and one person at a time. Happy Holidays everyone, and be of good cheer!